Why Do We Love Flops?

There's something about a flop that sends my heart reeling.

Well, not really. But I do find them awfully fascinating. I'm fond of saying that, for me, there's no such thing as a wasted night in the theater. Even if the show in question is painfully bad, I at least get to blog about it, and, even better, I get to dine out for years to come about the night I actually sat through Lestat, or the pain of suffering through Frankenstein.

And I love poring through books like Not Since Carrie by Ken Mandelbaum and Second-Act Trouble by Stephen Suskin, reveling the the process of second-guessing the creators. "A voodoo exorcism on a Broadway stage," I'd marvel, recalling the abysmal musical Roza. "What the hell was Hal Prince thinking?"

This may seem like a non sequitur, but bear with me. I was driving through Boston yesterday, and there was a pretty significant traffic tie-up near Brigham Circle. The source of the trouble was a contingent of official vehicles outside an apartment building on Huntington Ave. The police were removing a dead body from an apartment, and drivers were slowing down in an all-too-familiar instance of rubber-necking. It got me thinking that my interest in flop musicals shares a similar impulse: a morbid fascination with the gory details of failure.

After my recent post about the commercially unsuccessful Marguerite, regular reader Justin asked me what the worst show I've ever seen was, and I really didn't think I could pick a worst. To paraphrase Tolstoy, all unsuccessful musicals are unsuccessful in their own individual way. I referred him to my page of "The Musicals That Suck," but in deference to a faithful reader, I also prepared the following list of my "favorite" flops:

The Most Boring Show I've Ever Sat Through: Lestat

The Biggest Waste of Talent: Lovemusik

Worst Show I Flew to Chicago to See: Victor/Victoria

My First Broadway Flop: Roza

The Most Inexplicably Popular Abomination: Jekyll & Hyde

The Biggest Flop That I Didn't Think Was All That Bad, Really: Cry-Baby

Worst $20-Million Would-Be Blockbuster: Young Frankenstein

Worst Off-Broadway Monstrosity: Frankenstein

Worst Best Musical: Two Gentlemen of Verona

Sorriest Excuse for Gratuitous Nudity: Oh! Calcutta!

Worst Premise: Into the Light (based on the scientific verification of the Shroud of Turin)

Worst Lyric: Into the Light ("Science without the data is like Christ without the stigmata.")

Least Funny Intentional Camp-fest: Evil Dead

Biggest Disappointment: Big

Worst Riverdance Wannabe: The Pirate Queen

Worst Waste of a Promising Property: High Fidelity

The Flop I Really Wish I Saw Live: Carrie

Worst Night in a London Theater: Mutiny!

Worst Blockbuster That Everyone Else Seems to Love: Billy Elliot

Worst Bloated Disney Monolith: Mary Poppins

Worst Excuse for an Andrew Lloyd Webber Show: Starlight Express

Worst Musical I've Ever Appeared In: King of Hearts

Worst Star Vehicle: The Boy From Oz

Most Cynical and Talentless Recycling of an Unworthy Property: Happy Days

OK, dear reader, it's your turn. What's the worst musical you've ever seen on a professional stage? Not the worst production, mind you: the worst musical in which the show itself sucked. We've all seen bad productions of West Side Story and Oklahoma!, but they're still terrific shows. What the worst show qua show that you've ever seen?

Comments

[Joseph Gomez]

Worst Lyric (understudy): Side Show ("I had planned to keep the temperature cool; she's raising my Fahrenheit. Don't let passion rule you, don't be a fool. Don't feel that appetite. Oh what the hell - why fight?")

[JJM]

Gone With the Wind: The Musical in London earlier this year. There's no contest. I've seen other terrible musicals, but this one devoured four hours of my life!

I saw the first preview so I hope that some of the lyrics got rewritten for the other 78 performances, particularly this gem:

"I was Scarlett O'Hara, the belle of the ball,
Then like Humpty-Dumpty I had a great fall."

(Apologies if I misquote slightly, I had to dredge that up from behind the protective barriers my brain has put in place to keep me from waking up screaming at 4am.)

[SarahB]

The absolute worst musical I've seen: Brooklyn. I want my time, money and hearing back. (I also hated Little Women and Drowsy Chaperone too, but they weren't the worst.)

The absolute worst waste of talent and songbook: LoveMusik. Such false advertising.

The flop musicals I'm obsessed with: Prettybelle, Anyone Can Whistle, Darling of the Day and Carrie.

[chris caggiano]

Ooh, Sarah sweetheart, in the interest of nurturing our friendship, we're going to need to respectfully disagree on Drowsy Chaperone. I know it's a show that sharply divides theater aficionados, but I reside firmly in the "pro" camp.

At least we can agree on the other shows that you mention. I love me some Prettybelle. Probably because, when I'm drunk, I'm beautiful, too..

[Phaedra]

Lily thinks The Boy Friend is awful. She was Hortense and even being in the show couldn't hold her attention. First musical she hasn't asked for the soundtrack of.

Okay, so she's 12. Not a lot of basis for comparison yet.

[Esther]

The late and mostly unlamented LoveMusik was the second musical I ever saw on Broadway. It had the distinct advantage of a Sunday evening show and being directly across the street from my Sunday afternoon show.

Plus, it had a book by Alfred Uhry, it starred several stage actors I'd been reading alot about: Michael Cerveris, Donna Murphy and David Pittu. And I was interested in learning about Kurt Weill and becoming familiar with his oeuvre.

At that point, I wasn't sure about the logistics of waiting at the stage door after "A Moon for the Misbegotten," then getting to another theatre in time for a 7 p.m. show. Now, I'm such a veteran - getting from the New Amsterdam to the Broadway, 11 blocks, piece of cake!

Anyway, having seen quite a few other shows, both on Broadway and on tour, I have a much more jaundiced view of LoveMusik. But you know, right after I saw it, I still had stars in my eyes. Or something like that. Heck, I was in the same theatre where Hair played on Broadway!

So I think how you feel about a show can change with perspective. I'm still glad I saw LoveMusik, for all the reasons that first attracted me to it. But I also understand the criticism of it a lot better.

[chris caggiano]

Phaedra: So I guess any exhortations on my part about how The Boy Friend is a pastiche/homage/satire of the 1920s style of musical would fall on deaf ears? How it's supposed to be silly because it's satirizing a ridiculous genre? Yeah, best not, I think.

I'm really looking forward to seeing y'all again this weekend.

--cc

[WaitAminuteRosemary]

I would have loved to have seen Merrily We Roll Along. Several Times.

Would have loved to have seen Here's Where I Belong, a musical based on East of Eden. There was no cast album and I've never even been able to find individual songs from it. Is there anyone out there who saw it?

Would you count Follies as a flop? It had a long run but never made back its investment. I wish I had seen it, though from the OCA and reading the script, I don't know if I would have liked it all that much. I really wish I had seen the 1985 concert version.

[chris caggiano]

OMG: Here's Where I Belong. The musical so bad it closed on opening night, and librettist Terrence McNally removed his name from it.

Yeah, I would love to have seen it too.

[Kevin]

Oh the flops.

I'd have to say "The Boy From Oz" is the worst new musical I've seen. Not so much the performances, but the libretto was one of the worst in the last decade. I know it doesn't necessarily count as it's considered a classic, but I also had a severe dislike with the new translation of "The Threepenny Opera," one of the most boring nights I've seen onstage.

And the hit I hated the most: "Cats." First and only time I've snored in a Broadway house.

Worst musical adaptation of Shakespeare: "Rockabye Hamlet"

Literary adaptation that shouldn't have but does and we love it because it did: "Prettybelle"/"Lolita My Love"

Best Score heard in a show that played a week or less: "1600 Pennsylvania Avenue" (oh that book, that book, that awful awful book.... aieee. but thankfully the "Duet for One" practically makes up for it ;)

Flops I enjoy: Carmelina, Darling of the Day, Dear World, Donnybrook!, Henry Sweet Henry, Lolita My Love, Rags, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, A Time for Singing, Very Warm for May.

[Elisabeth]

It is great that everyone has different tastes!!

I loved Starlight Express and Billy Elliot and I also really enjoyed Cry Baby after it had been damned by the critics.

I agree that LoveMusik was awful and while I didn't enjoy Glory Days I almost feel like I have a Broadway merit badge for seeing it before it closed afer opening night.

The worst show I've seen in 4 years in New York was a terrible show put on by the New Group called the Music Teacher. It was a play with a mock opera in the middle of it - terrible, boring and the most cliched bit of writing I think I've ever heard.

But it makes a great comparison tool when we discuss just how bad a show was.

Keep up the great work Chris.

[Jessica]

I would have to say "Lestat", though I must say I enjoyed that much more than Ann Reinking's choreography in "Chicago". Which, I know, doesn't count here, but still. I literally cringed during "I Can't Do it Alone". Aargh.

As for "Lestat", despite its quasi-homosexual undertones, I quite thought the score to be good...

[Hula Hank]

Xena Lives:The Musical. I think I was asking for it.

[Kathy]

The very worst musical I've ever seen was Odyssey - but it was the only time I ever saw Yul Brynner, so it was worth it, just barely! The Pirate Queen had glowing moments compared to that one, and I agree it was pretty awful. But Stephanie Block wonderful, and I liked the father too, although I can't remember his name. I saw it in Chicago, so I don't know if it was the same in NYC.

I loved Drowsy Chaperone and Billy Elliott, so I guess there's no accounting for taste! And I liked Cats too. I have a tape of TS Elliot reading his poems, and the cadence sounds a lot like the musical. I don't know if Webber did that intentionally or if it was quite by accident.

[Vance]

Starlight Express was the worst big musical I've seen. A Clockwork Orange the Musical (yes, someone apparently adapted it) was the worst. Closer to Heaven (a jukebox musical of The pet Shop Boys running in London) came pretty close too.

We Will Rock You, Phantom and The Producers are also in my bottom 10.

Billy Elliot? I LOVED B.E.

[SarahB]

Chris, what a coincidence! When I'm drunk, I'm beautiful too! I admit that there are a few things to admire but when stupid boring Bob stood on the stage during what was not an intermission and ate a power bar in front of me, I felt terribly gyped. The show was already short as it was and that just wasted my time. Also, I felt like he was ashamed that he loved that musical in that he had to hide in his apartment to listen to it. I mostly just think it was terribly overrated. That being said, I really liked the stereotypically cast Beth Leavel - she seems to be the same in everything she does, but that's okay because she's damn good at it.

I forgot to add Henry, Sweet, Henry and Merrily We Roll Along in my love list.

[Alicia Dempster]

OK - late on this one but hands down the worst musical I ever saw was THE RED SHOES! P.U.!

[Blanche]

The worst: Encores revival of Carnival! The only time I've walked out of a theater at intermission. Wanted to poke my eyes out with a puppet.

[Alex]

I haven't seen Mary Poppins, but I have no idea how it could possibly have stolen "Worst Bloated Disney Monolith from Tarzan. Was that so completely out of mind you'd forgotten?

[Chris]

I'm obsessed with flops and would have loved to have seen Carrie or The Red Shoes.

The worst flop for me was Nick & Nora! Lots of great talent - Joanna Gleason, Faith Prince, Barry Bostwick, Christine Baranski - completely wasted.

[stanley schweiger]

I heartily agree on your choice of "Two Gentlemen of Verona" as Worst Best Musical!! My guess is that 50 years from now, producers will still be raising money for "Follies" productions around the world, while "Two Gentlemen" remains where it belongs...in the Collected Works of William Shakespeare, MINUS the music!! The Tony voters should forever be ashamed of themselves!!

[Kevin]

I saw LITTLE JOHNNIE JONES with Donny Osmond, it opened and closed the same night. I had tickets for CARRIE and didn't go!!!! What a decision. Of course, I walked out of Oh, Calcutta! I actually thought ON THE 20th CENTURY was bad, though I think it was the sound in the theatre, which was awful. CATS stinks. In fact, anything Weber does without Rice stinks. What about NEFRITITI, back in the day. Or A BROADWAY MUSICAL or BRING BACK BIRDIE (a good premise lost in bizarre sub-stories). TWO GENTLEMEN, I agree with. SUNSET BOULEVARD and the horrendous
STARLIGHT EXPRESS are automatic, as is any Disney
crap save THE LION KING.

[linda]

Worst ever in 50 years of theater was SHERRY. Now that James Lipton is famous they put out a new cast album. Making a musical of The Man Who Came to Dinner was a bad mistake. The Red Shoes was my favorite movie as a child, horrible musical. Sorry Sondheim fans, but I slept through the second act of Sunday in the Park with George and I sat in the first row. Had tix for Carrie's second week, but it closed.